So cos it was so bloody hot, on Monday I went to a friend’s house (we’ll call her Sharon) WHO HAS A POOL. Yeah that’s right. A pool. No seriously. You heard me correctly. When I found out the flat had a pool I couldn’t envisage it in my head. Basically it’s a lot of flats all facing into a courtyard with a pool in the middle. Like in American films and stuff! Normally in the American films it’s a Motel or something. Or not. The geeky fella in that from Inner Space starring Meg Ryan. He had it. That’s a great film! I used to really fancy the main guy who looks like Harrison Ford but isn’t.
So anyway I went to the pool.
When I arrived, Sharon was lying on a blanket on the grass near the pool, there were others in their swimwear and sunglasses milling about, sunning themselves. And a Spanish and/or Italian man in small trunks doing laps. It really was like in a film.
Then I noticed.
Sitting on a bean bag next to my friend was a small girl. Maybe she was 4? Or 3? I suppose she could have been 5 or 6. She was small. I don’t know how old she was.
She was incredibly cute and pretty but as soon as I saw her my heart sank.
I'd heard stories about this little girl. She likes playing doctors and nurses with Sharon, who has a penchant for the fantastical and LOVEs little kids. And Sharon really really loves little kids. And she could play make believe fantasy games for hours. Her stamina is incredible. But the little girl’s stamina is better, and she comes round knocking on her door at inopportune times demanding to play with her. and Sharon has to hide in the shower with the lights off until she goes away.
So back to the day I went to the pool. As soon as I came over the little girl told me I couldn’t sit on the blanket cos that was there she was sitting. Then she asked if we could play doctors and nurses.
Now let me tell you something. I like children. I like them a lot. And I think I'm really good with kids too. I'll play their silly games and I like Barbies too. I also enjoy a good game of make believe and can get into character much like Robert De Niro.
But today. On this day. I wanted to talk to my friend about diets and clothes and catch up on our lives. I did not want to play Doctors and Nurses.
So I said NO.
Sharon obvs felt bad for the girl and said maybe later.
The girl hung around.
She kept trying to make us play with her. When Sharon went in doors to make the dinner, she followed her into the flat! When I went to the toilet and left the door open, she wondered in! She slagged off our dinner. She kept referring to Sharon as “my friend”. Err excuse me little girl she's MY friend.
Then she kept coming over and drawing things and going “look what I drew” and I'd just go “you’re holding it the wrong way up” and look away.
And then Sharon and I went indoors cos it was cold and she barged in. And I said “HEY HEY HEY!!! You cannot come into Sharon’s flat without knocking. Go outside and knock” but she ignored me.
So basically I hated her.
Yeah. I hated a small child. I felt like she was too big for her boots or something. Like she needed to be taken down a peg or 2 cos she had everyone in the building wrapped around her little finger.
And I haven’t really changed my mind so I must be evil.
Oh yeah by the way Sharon’s bed is in a cupboard! Like in that film! “What Happens in Vegas” starring Cameron Diaz and the young one who married Demi Moore. I'm sure you’ve all seen it so I'll say no more on the matter.
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