Souper weather for a bra top!

A few months ago I wrote a blog about how it was SUMMER! Obviously it wasn’t. About a week after that it started raining. And raining. And raining.

Every day it rained. I was so bloody depressed and damp and cold and my handbag was super heavy cos I had to carry around my umbrella all the time.

Then it was hot. Really hot. We all got tans. And sweated. And bought new sandals. And got sunburn. And said “wow, it’s like august!” and “wow, it’s like abroad!”. And anybody who went on holiday to Turkey that week when it was hot was totally gutted.

Then the rains came back.

Now it’s muggy.

What an ordeal!

But it’s not like this doesn’t happen every year. The weather in Britain is so ridiculous, but we’re used to it. Last year I wore summer clothes all of May April and June. It was a mixed bag in July and I wore tights for the whole of August. It’s totes depresso and it’s annoying but it shouldn’t be.

My bug bear, really, is that even though the weather is shit and unpredictable and cold basically all summer EVERY year.....the shops REFUSE to accept it. And this makes things hard for us. What I mean is that clothes designers and clothes shops ONLY stock summer clothes in summer. And they're so lovely and tempting so as soon as there’s a nice day you nip to H and M and buy some shorts and a boob tube and run to New Look for a pair of wedges and then they sit in your cupboard untouched for maybe a month. Now that FESTIVAL FASHION is in, you can probably buy a parka and some weird “fashion” willies but that's about it. And you don’t want to go to work looking like you're off to Glastonbury. In my case that means drawing a lightning bolt on my face and a leotard anyways. Totes inappropes.

Actually..a little aside about shops stocking clothes in the FESTIVAL FASHION section. I hate it. Don’t tell me how to dress at a festival. The whole point about festivals is that you go mad and let your imagination run wild. At a particular festival, you’ll notice trends, like that year everyone was into cowboy hats. Normal fashion rules go out the window and you can literally walk around in tights and sequin knickers with a jumper and an admiral’s hat on and feel like the coolest chick in town. It is NOT about going to Topshop and picking out an outfit that was spotted on Daisy Lowe LAST YEAR at Coachella and recreated. SO FUCK OFF DAISY LOWE. Not really, it’s not her fault and I like her bum. But you know what I mean.

Anyways, back to the shops being dicks.

Shops need to get wise to the fact that the weather is rubbish and stop convincing us that we can wear bra tops and knicker shorts all summer.

But you can always count on British girls to keep it real. They WILL wear knicker shorts. But with tights and DMs and a massive cardi over the bra top. Actually...no one would actually wear a bra top with knickershorts. It’s like that old wise saying....”tits OR legs...never both.” (this opinion was brought to you courtesy of @realslimjaney). but what I'm trying to say is that we all have to adapt these fashions that are foisted upon us by shops that think they have to stock the sort of clothes you wear on holiday in Arizona. I don’t know why I picked Arizona but I know it’s pretty hot there. I saw a film once called Bully. It was really good and gory and horrific and it was American and it was summer and there was a girl in it who had on hotpants that were so short they showed the cheeks of her bum and a boob tube so skimpy, she had top cleavage AND under cleavage. I imagine that's how they dress in Arizona. NOT LONDON EVER.

When you’re in a hot country, you can get away with dressing skimpily. What is a very short skirt here, isn’t considered too short in the med, for example. Cos your legs are so boiling, you don’t have a choice. SHOPS NEED TO GET WISE.

But it’s not just clothes shops. It’s food shops too. Do you know, that on the 1^st of May ALL the shops stopped stocking soup? That's not really true. But the marksys in Hammersmith did. And yesterday I went to sainsos and they only had 2 flavours. I NEED SOUP I'm COLD AND WET. Stop making me salad all day. I love salad as much as the next person but sometimes I need a winter warmer in summer. BECAUSE IT IS RANIING AND I'm WEARING MY WINTER COAT.

Also, can offices stop thinking they need air conditioning? This is not the south of France. I'm not hot. Stop being an idiot.

And there you have it. I'm putting the world to rights once more cos shops and offices are idiots in denial.