People who don’t have doorbells in their houses shouldn’t throw stones.

I've just moved house and I thought I’d write a review of the new flat.
We took it right away and it was our first and only viewing. So it must be good. It starts off with a private staircase. What I mean is, we’re top flat of 3 in a converted Victorian House. I say Victorian but it could be from any period in time, I have no idea. But converted flats are normally in Victorian Houses. Are they? Whatevs. Let’s say it’s Victorian. So you walk in the front hall (first past the front garden with a skip in it, the neighbours are renovating) and up a flight of stairs where you’re confronted with 2 doors. Oooooo. When you go through our door you immediately go up a flight up stairs to our flat. So we have our own private staircase. I don’t know why but I love having our own private staircase. I talked about it quite a lot when I described it to friends and look, I've done it again.
Then at the top of the staircase there’s a corridor down there to your left. It’s got a massive built in wardrobe with a door of mirrors. We like to call this the mirror world. I say “we”. I've never called it that til now but I’m sure I’ll use it all the time from now on and then it’ll catch on with Dan (my co-habitator. Co-habitor. Co-habiting boyfriend). Or, he’ll say “where’s my suit?” and I'll reply “it’s in the hall cupboard! I mean, the mirror-world”. Like when Hen and I decided to stop saying “booze” and start saying “liquor”. “shall we get some booze I mean liquor for tonight?”


So anyways. The mirror world is full of boxes of stuff we don’t really use like camping gear and letters from when we were teenagers and summer dresses and flip flops and empty suitcases. Then after the hallway I mean mirrorworld is the bathroom and our bedroom. Our bedroom has 2 massive wardrobes. TWO! This is another feature I was very excited about after the viewing. “we’ll have so much storage space!”.


Then if you go back to the top of the stairs and turn right instead, there’s a little staircase up (split level! It’s split level!!!!) and there’s a spare room (“we can have people over you know?”) and a living dining room with a BALCONY!!!!!! And a little kitchen (“with a gas hob, cos I really can't abide electric ya know?”)


The sofa is really cool its like a bed. Not a sofa bed. Once my mum rang me up, it was about 3 years ago. And she said “hi lara guess what I've bought a sofa, it’s so cool because you can open it up and it’s a bed!”. We’ve had a sofa bed in our cellar for 15 years so I’ve never really been able to work out her excitement.


Anyways the sofa is basically a chaise longue but a double seater. So when you sit on it with your boyfriend you feel like you’re the grandparents in Charlie and the chocolate factory.


I love my new flat so much. it’s got oldy worldy wooden floors. They're very creaky and some of them are a bit loose and have gaps in them but it’s RUSTIC. and the whole place could do with a lick of paint but that’s CHARMING.


The doorbell is broken too so I've had to put a little sign on it that gives my phone number so when we get parcels or signed for post, we’ll actually receive it. but everyone was so shocked when I did that. “oh no you can't do that anyone can see!”. Yeah? so what? What's gonna happen? In fact I actually think that Dan has removed it. My mum rex we should just leave pebbles by the door and people can throw them at the window when they come round. Gently.