Old Croaky Voice

Do you know what really grinds my gears? Mariella Frostrup. And the Observer. Or more specifically, Mariella Frostrup writing an agony aunt column for the observer magazine. Who let her do it and why did she agree? She’s just a lady off of the telly; she’s not a counsellor or a psychiatrist. Where are her qualifications? I mean, I know that on Saved by the Bell or whatever, one of the students would always do an agony aunt show on the school radio station and they’d be really harsh and their identity kept a secret and their advice was really good, but this is real life! Come on, who’s with me?

So yeah, anyone can dole out advice to their mates, but she acts like she really knows what she’s talking about. Like someone write in about obsessing about her ex boyfriend and how down she was and she went “well first things first, you’re obviously suffering from manic depression”. Um, excuse me but how is that obvious? She wrote you a letter and you’re not a doctor. She probably writes the column wearing a white coat and puts her glasses on and sits at a big desk that has a leather top. Sort of like when Daniela Westbrook was on this programme called Plastic Surgery LIVE! And she would interview the patients before the surgery actually wearing a white coat and glasses. She actually was pretending to be the plastic surgeon. I was genuinely confused and thought she’d gone off and trained to be a genuine doctor since losing her septum. Like it had turned her life around.

Anyways, I wiki-d Mariella just now to see if maybe I was wrong about her and she actually does have some sort of qualification, but nope. I did found out however, that she’s Norwegian. Actually born there and lived there as a kid. Then they moved to Ireland and she left when she was 16 which hardly explains her super mega posh accent. They always talk about her voice as being the sexiest in town and the bloke on Coupling really went on about her all the time so she did a couple of cameos in it and on her wiki page they DO NOT stop going on about it! They also mention at the end that she’s friends with one of the starts of coupling (you know, cos of the cameos) and also friends with angus deyton. Funnily enough I think HE did a cameo too so there you go. The whole page was probs written by the Coupling Producers. Guerrilla Marketing.

Speaking of Guerrilla marketing there was some of it going on at the football. Some Dutch beer company got 100 girls to go to a match and wear their logo t-shirts and drink their beer and on the news it was a massive feature and there was a woman who’s in charge of making sure it doesn’t happen and they kept calling her the “logo cop” and they were saying how unfair it is to the actual beer who’s official sponsor for the world cup cos if other beer companies do that then no one will pay to be an official sponsor and the whole thing will fall apart. But Bill and Sian couldn’t understand what the lady was saying and kept going, yeah but what if loads of Dutch fans were wearing the t-shirt just for fun would you chuck em out then? And she was like, yeah cos you wouldn’t do it for fun would you? and they kept testing her and I just thought ARGH!!!!!!!! Bill you’re so stupid why do they let you out of your play pen in the mornings? Go and play with a Barbie and leave us all alone! Bill is so thick and when they let him interview someone he just reads out some texts from the public and when he interviews someone on the video link he has to swivel round on the sofa all uncomfortable and undignified and I like it.

If he interviewed mariella she’d probably tell him he had a Peter Pan Complex and Adult Baby Syndrome.
Note to reader: I typed those 2 psychological issues and then though, oh I’d better look up some real ones to make the line “fly” better and turns out they're both real. Turns out I could probs write Mariella’s column better than her cos all she comes up with is “manically depressed.”