A New Moon

If I see another magazine with a smiley girl in running gear and slogan “New Year New You”, I think I'll scream. I mean I won't scream cos that’s a bit extreme. Like Heidi on BB last night when Sov hid a tin of beans and Heidi called her fucking cunt. That was a bit extreme too. I suggested hiding a tin of beans at work for a staff competition today but noone got the reference.

Anyways, so yeah. I won't scream. But I will think to myself “If I see another New Year New You slogan I'll scream.” It's sort of a chicken and the egg scenario. I don’t say chicken and the egg scenario often but yesterday I was choosing what to have for dinner and I thought that I'd have chicken and eggs. James Dean (not the dead one, another one) said, you can't do that it's like a mother eating it's babies. So I guess chicken and eggs are on my mind.

I was trying to have a healthy dinner cos it's a new year and I'd like to be a new me. Actually I don’t. I wanna be the old me that was thinner and didn’t have spots. I could join a gym but I won't. Instead I've set myself the more manageable task of starving myself and not drinking for a month. And also attending a variety of dance classes. Simples. Hahahahaha. Like those meercats, wow they are so funny LOLZ. They’ve done another advert and it's really long and weird. I don’t even know what happens in it. I seem to black out as soon as it starts and I come to when it ends. But the clock in my head says “you’ve just lost some minutes of your life, which is longer than the average advert.” That’s how I know it's long you see.

So New Year New You can f*ck off. Not really for any reason. I just hate it when magazines are predictable. Get a new idea! It's well cliché to do new year new you in Jan. It's just the same one you are every January. And stop smiling when you're running, all you girls on the mags, cos noone smiles when they run. They scowl and try to avoid catching people’s eyes in case they go “oi oi, look, someone’s going for a run”

Oh and btw, I said new year new you so many times I have to put NYTN in my autocorrect options so I wouldn’t have to type it every time.