Morning is Daybreaking

Daybreak. It’s a new programme (actually not new, just took GMTV and changed the name and got new presenters and made the old presenters do the celeb gossip) on ITV that everyone wet their knickers over cos Adrian Childs and Christine Bleakly decided to stop fawning over each other on a BBC sofa and do it on an ITV one instead. But this time in the morning and not right before Eastenders, making you watch their rank hyperactive faces for a few minutes cos you don’t want to watch old friends episodes on e4 again. Now you only have to watch their rank stretchy weird offensively ugly faces if you decide you can't watch Bill Turnbull for one more second and change the channel on purpose. I've done this a few times now. I thought, hmm, yeah! Let’s watch daybreak over our scrambled Eggsy today instead. Big Mistake. It’s like watching the One Show ON ACID. It’s made me really appreciate little Bill Turnbull on BREAKFAST. They let him go out on roving reporter duty sometimes and it’s lovely to see. They get him to introduce a real reporter while standing near some bins and he lets them do the actual news while he just comments on the loudness of the bins when they fall over. AWWWW.



I have quite a few issues with Daybreak. Firstly is its name. Daybreak. It’s so namby pamby. It’s like saying hey we’re a big bunch of pussies DAYBREAK. It’s like, blah blah blah! Isn’t it lovely DAYBREAK. No one even says the word daybreak. Whoever says, oh I've been up since daybreak. The only place you hear the word daybreak is in hymns. And when it was the first day, they kept saying the word over and over to bring it home that this was DAYBREAK! They’d go, here’s a shot of DAYBREAK! Over a town in Kent. And wasn’t it a lovely DAYBREAK this morning. It sounded stilted and weird.


The second issue I have is with the faces. The horrible faces. Adrian Chiles looks seriously deformed. His features don’t make any sense to me. I just find it horribly offensive and it makes me angry to see it. Christine Bleakly is also very very ugly. Her face is so pointy and harsh and her eyes are dead. Blank. There’s nothing there. And her laughs are empty and devoid of emotion. She’ll laugh with her cold dead eyes remaining quite dead and then she’ll stop laughing without any build up at the beginning or any tail off at the end. Just these manic bleats that prove she's not listening to that old fella telling his anecdote. She’s just plotting his miserable cold death. And also her clothes are too shiny and going out to a club in the 90’s for breakfast telly. That Mel out of Bob and Mel or whatever it was called used to where too going outy clothes as well. ITS DAYTIME TELLY!!!! Wear a jumper.


Then there’s the way the producers obviously think they have GREAT CHEMISTRY! With each other. They don’t. Making them sit so close to each other, it just makes me uncomfortable, is not chemistry. It’s just 2 people sitting close to each other. And when one makes a rubbish joke in a brummy accent and the other one laughs manically and coldly and abruptly stops, that’s not chemistry either.


Then there are the features. One of the features is called “something cool before school!”. Yeah. I know. It’s like they actually asked a child to come up with the name. or..they thought of the feature and they didn’t have a name so for the purposes of meetings and drafts of the structure of the show they called it that until they thought of a better one and then they forgot and it was too late cos the person who typed up the minutes didn’t know it was temporary and sent it to the printers. And then it was done and the person who was in charge of the name, left the company quite quickly and that was that.


Thing is, how do they know what time people leave for school? It’s dumb.


In the something cool before school when I tuned in, there was a boy who could do the rubicks cube blindfolded. When Adrian Childes introduced it he said “Now, in today’s something cool before school, something I fiddled with for hours at a time in the 80’s but didn’t get much pleasure out of”. Yeah. He made a joke about his own cock. During a kid’s feature. And Christine laughed accordingly