Selfridges is alright

Christmas shopping seems to be all I'm up to right now. And it’s all I think about. T’other day Dan kept asking me what’s wrong with you? Why are you so quiet? And I was just thinking about chrimbo presses. Every time I turn around I see a great present for someone I’ve already bought for (sweet Jesus it’s one of the most frustrating things that can ever happened to me). When I close my eyes I see scenes of family members opening the perfect present form me..but I can’t see what it is.

But anyways. That’s not the point. The point is that I decided to get someone this chocolate I saw on telly. It was on this show called Willy’s Wonky chocolate Factory. The programme was about this posh family who grew choco beans in South America and were trying to get it in the shops over here. It was pretty lame and every week it’s like Oh how is Willy going to pay his mortgage? And how is Willy going to clean up his new chocolate machine etc. Interspersed with little cooking demos that all had a bit of choc in.

But the whole time you were meant to be wondering Ahhh! Will he succeed? And then in the breaks they’d tell you the chocolate is stocked at Selfridges. So there goes the mystery. It's hard to root for someone you know is already doing really well and living it up in the Bahamas. Or something.

The point, really, though is that the chocolate looked pretty cool. It's 100 per cent cocoa (but Willy calls is cacao) and you can use it in chilli’s and stuff like that. I've been meaning to go along and get some for ages but navigating Oxford Street really can be too much to bear. Get out of my fucking way why are 5 of you walking in a line arm in arm really slowly.

So yeah..I decided to go there at Christmas time. To really beat the crowds. Ahem.

So I went yesterday. I was really hungover and I was carrying a big box and the handle broke. I also had a topshop bag with stuff I've been carrying around for three days cos I keep meaning to take it back and forget. So it wasn’t an ideal sitch. I'm painting a picture for you here. I hope you get it.

So yeah. Selfridges. The doors are those swivelling roundy roundy doors and I didn’t have any free hands so I had to jump in when someone else was in one of the other compartments. Fun! Like a rollercoaster of death and frustration.

Then I asked where the food hall was and a kind sir told me. But then I spotted a perfume I like in the other direction so I sort of stood there for a few minutes. I didn’t want to go straight to the perfume in case the kind sir thought I didn’t want to use his directions or didn’t trust him. But I wanted to spray some on me. Dilemma. In the end I walked off in the direction of the food hall and doubled back when he wasn’t looking. The I pretended to the perfume helper man that I was checking the name of the perfume to tell my boyfriend what to buy me for Christmas. I didn’t want him to think I was a freeloader. But when I finally sprayed it on myself I just sprayed it onto my gloves and scarf I forgot I was wearing.

But hey. This is meant to be about why Selfridges is good.

So I got to the food hall at last and got one of those supercool little baskets with wheels and a handle they have now in little supermarkets. And I proceeded to search for Willy’s Wonky chocbars. It took me a while as I was COMPLETELY MAGICALLY IN AWE!!!! They have this little café in there that sells only cupcakes which are AWESOME. And it's called Lola’s and everything is beautiful. They have this stand with food alchemy. You can buy all different edible gold and silver stuff and they have chemistry sets of ingredients. They have a fishmongers that has FISH KEBABS. YES! And laods of deli counters with homemade pasta and CHOCOLATE PASTA. And 2 aisles just for tea. I loved it in there. I bought a jar of cookie ingredients that I LOVE. You know..for a present. And clams. And some oysters. You know. For dinner. And a bottle of Prosecco (only 12 quid!!! Wait that’s not cheap is it?). That was a present for dad. And an alchemy set. Present. I went mental. I could have bought more but the big box was irritating me. And the large amount of perfume I’d draped right into the scarf was getting overpowering.

So. I didn’t really see much of Selfridges and the staff were annoying at the checkouts and the fishmonger man patronised me and the doors are stupid. But the food hall. Oh the food hall. I’ll just add that Selfridges didn’t sponsor this blog. But if they want to throw in a bottle of Paul Smith special edition Evian water, I’ll take it.

Bah Humbug

Well. It's only bloody snowing outside. That's right. A week and a half beofre ole chrimbo it's snowing. Which means we'll NEVER get a white christmas. But who cares??? What's so special about a white christmas? Snow is AMAZING. Christmas is AMAZING. It's a waste to get them both on one day innit?


Anyways, I saw it was snowing a few hours ago. Baby flakes. And I yelled "SNOW!" to the office. One fucking person got up to look. Noone yelped with joy. What a bunch of bah humbuggers. Now it's full blown massive chunks falling down all over the place and all they do is moan that the trains won't be running.

Snow looks like it's falling in slow motion!

Numero Uno

In the news at the moment it's all about Sarah Brown and her speech about Gordon. I don't get it. Just cos she stormed the stage that one time, it's now a "thing" for her to get up and chat about how great he is. Is this a "thing" or this madness? Why doesn't his mum get up and have a go?

Is this what politicians do now?

"Oh please like me..loo! my wife does! and she's not a fuddy duddy..she wears nice clothes. Come on wifey..dress up good for the cameras and do something glam..you know..like Michelle."

It makes me sick.